Hungry for Praise

Just moments after I first created this blog, my eight-year-old sister inexplicably entered my room, paper in hand, and began talking; at 10:54 in the night, no less.

I am not all that surprised by the time, and definitely not surprised by her talking, but found the reason she was here a little sad.

The reason she entered my room at nearly 11 at night was to read me a story she had written. This might seem normal eight-year-old behavior but for my sister it was something that forced me to stop and think.

My sister, the bundle of joy that she is, has many astounding qualities... the most obvious of which may be her seemingly impenetrable and overbearing confidence.

She enjoys speaking and being the center of attention, the unfortunate mixture of my mother and step-father, and finds every opportunity to either make sure she is enjoying herself or to make sure nobody else is.

The reason I am telling you this is to show how interesting it was to me that she wanted my praise, something I have great difficulty in giving if I don't actually mean it.

Whether received or not, the need for praise seems universal in humans, myself included.

Even the most generous of people seem to proclaim their generosity in search of recognition.

I can't say this is a bad thing as generosity is generosity no matter how public, and if it helps somebody then who cares the praise the giver receives, though it feels like true generosity is that which is given without expectation of anything in return. But because this statement is already entering the region of cliched idealism I will leave it as it is.

The pure necessity that is praise must stem from our childhood, from being nurtured and told "Good job!" by our parents and teachers until suddenly, as you become a teenager and enter adulthood, all the pleasant compliments are dropped and transformed into the categories of "Satisfactory" and otherwise.

The colorful stickers, big, bolded exclamations of greatness, and certificates of achievement are suddenly deemed as something only little kids need; yet adults work through their jobs searching hopelessly for a superior to call them out as amazing, hard-working individuals.

This brings up the question of whether we should continue to celebrate satisfactory work into and through adulthood or whether the compliments should be reserved for only the most amazing of children, so they may grow accustomed to it as they grow into glorious, awe-inspiring adulthood.

The problem with praise is that as one is given it, another is left without it. Small children could easily cast out a child who constantly receives praise as they themselves are left with papers void of any colorful, bright letters of incredible achievement.

For many, the praise of a job well done is a lone motivation to work hard, and leaving the merely satisfactory without laudatory pats on the back could leave them to drift into the effortless life of an unsuccessful and unhappy delinquent.

The alternative to holding back the compliments, unfortunately, has its drawback as well.

Vomiting compliments onto employees could cause some demands of pay raises, and while all that might sound fine and dandy (if they are doing a great job, shouldn't they get great pay?), what happens after these raises?

The compliments continue and so do the demands, and when these demands aren't met (unfortunately employers don't have a bottomless well of salaries for their workers), a feeling of betrayal sets in. Workers feel they aren't being truly recognized for their amazing talents (screw the pat on the back, give me a dollar), and act accordingly.

Some may work harder and harder to try and gain attention until the day when they realize that it will never happen and quit their job in search for another that will, a job that most likely won't exist. Others may simply drop all pride and effort in their work altogether, feeling the compliments they receive as nothing but empty words used to squeeze the extra life out of them now while leaving them uncompensated.

The unfortunate fact of the matter is that each and every person reacts differently to praise, and must be lauded accordingly.

The second unfortunate fact of the matter is that no employer can get that personal with their workers, dealing them each their own brand of applause, as how one person reacts is often based heavily to how another reacts; a situation I always relate to a comedy club or television shows with their canned laughter. If it weren't for the other people laughing the jokes of any comedian could choke and die, splattering onto the floor beneath him as soon as they leave his lips.

Perhaps the answer to all this is in what we're already doing, and all we need to do is recognize it.

Perhaps my nonchalant "cool" which was given to my sister's one dimensional story of a girl who was obstinately climbing a tree was the perfect thing to say; perhaps it was cruel, or perhaps it was too much, and a "well, that's mediocre" response would have been better. Who knows...

All we can do is try and not hurt people's feelings unless they have asked for the uncensored, "tell it to me straight" version... and even then, lay it on a little thin at first... just to test the waters.