The Fray That Frames My Nerves

Recently this week has been swimming frantically down the drain, which, as always, seems clean as a whistle, with nothing to slow the descent.

For some reason the idea of security had begun to sneak in on my mind, and I found myself getting a chance to seriously consider the future; but, behind me back my hard work had begun crumbling in places.

Grades which I thought were rock-solid are suddenly dangling from an eyelash, their grip slipping more and more each day I let my eyes close and dream.

It's frustrating to realize that no longer will a teacher approach you inquiring about that assignment that was not turned in after your one day being sick in the entire year; and it is terrifying to see how much a tiny, unacknowledged slip lets the dominoes crash.

For all I know my P.E. grade is plummeting, as Ms. Lilley (formerly named "Teacher One"; confidentiality escapes me at the moment...) has informed us that we will no longer be warned to stop not following directions and will simply be given a zero for the day.

Technically I have been following directions, but, seeing as I am one of the tiny amount of kids that participates with extreme reluctance in most any game, she seems to enjoy telling me to act like my life revolves around a ball that is being chucked at mats.

However, seeing as I have not touched the ball, only ran back and forth across the gym all hour watching it, I wouldn't be surprised if she was tempted to mark a few dozen zeros to cover the next couple weeks she assumes I won't live for in her class (not that her assumptions would be incorrect, of course).


The worst thing is, I do not care what she thinks about me at all, yet, I have to, because she controls a part of my GPA...

I can't care what she thinks... she's a Gym Teacher, how important could she be?

Most likely the bitter result of a crushed dream of a sports career due to a lack of talent, she slid through a few teaching classes to be qualified to instruct the wondrous class that is Physical Education, vowing to be the cool, nice, fun gym teacher.

In the end, however, she barks a desperation for enthusiasm and motivation, which drains me of any that I have left... call it stubborn obstinacy, whatever you want...

Besides the school issues, my computer currently has some sort of virus that my trusty Avast! Antivirus can't seem to find. I searched for viruses like it on the internet by the action it does, every few minutes trying to open Internet Explorer to a seemingly random web page (usually about snowboarding[??]) and found hundreds of results being Trojans... so yeah... great.

Currently I have downloaded a trial of TrojanHunter, which, supposedly, works very well; though the lack of basic graphics worries me (maybe I am just too concerned with how it looks but it seems to me a more trusted virus-scanner has more thought put into things like that so it is less likely a fake...)

I think the virus is the thing that is wearing me down the most, perhaps that and being borderline sick the past week, as watching my computer do things I have not told it to do makes me feel sick inside, and I get easily paranoid.

I have a feeling that I received this virus from an e-mail, as I've been receiving more and more spam recently (enlargement, anyone?). I should be more discreet with my e-mail address, perhaps if nobody knew it I wouldn't receive any... yeah... that'd work...

In any case I really need to get to bed so I can at least try and be happy tomorrow... I am really stressed...

and I thought I'd forgotten what stress like this feels like...

Ha.